Our road isn’t what I thought it would be. I can’t believe we are looking at IVF 3. Time to get brave again. Well maybe not again. Last time, I couldn’t find my way to bravery. I tried with everything that I had to gather my usual amount of bravado and failed. Bravery is just too much to ask, and doesn’t make sense. I don’t have the same admiration for it that I used to.
Ok, if I can’t be brave, what do I need to be?
Maybe instead of being brave I need to find a way to suffer more gracefully, without internalizing, without stressing my body. Surrender.
What qualities should I nurture in myself to make this journey in the safest caring way?
I’m not going to ask, “How can I be braver?” I’m going to look inside, and ask for safe passage. I am going to ask, “How can we get from today to the days where just the three of us will sit on the couch laughing, playing, and singing songs together?”
Our journey won’t be filled with bravery this time, yet everything in me feels like we will look back on these grieving moments and say, “I can’t believe we ever thought about giving up. What fools we would have been. We would have given up the chance to love you.”
